Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
