That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
