Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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