had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
