In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
