I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
