Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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