my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
