I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
