She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
