He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
