Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
