puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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