I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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