im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
