good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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