You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
