Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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