As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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