So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
