..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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