I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize