watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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