mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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