Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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