What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
