1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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