You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
