you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
