I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
