I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
