So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
