nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
