I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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