Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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