Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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