just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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