Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
