I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
time to smoke my breakfast
Sober January is a disaster.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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