Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Someone signed my nipple.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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