Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
