you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
