Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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