You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
