remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
