You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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