so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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