I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
