Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
