Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
