My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I want to be your penis for a week.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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