I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
