I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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