I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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