So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
