There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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