I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
