I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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