Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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