what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
