I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
