There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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