I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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